Rain
by Nelle147
Summary: Memories come flooding in Rin's mind as the heavens cast its wrath upon the earth. And Rin Tohsaka just keeps on walking.


**A/N: Post-Fate Route**

* * *

Purple streaks of electricity snake through the amethyst-gray skies, lighting up the horizon in timely intervals as rumbles shake the earth echoing through the pavements. An eerie silence descends unto the earth as people scramble into the nearest shed to shield themselves from the wrath of the heavens.

Not Rin.

It was raining cats and dogs – from tiny droplets to huge outbursts of rain, like a giant baby's sob turning into ugly cries. But she doesn't mind. No, she doesn't mind at all.

The fifth holy grail war has just ended months ago and everything is back to normal again. Only if normal means everything-is-so-different-everything-becomes-the-same-in-the-end-only-with-a-little-alteration or something like that.

She walks through the streets as if rain isn't peltering her with its bullet-like drops, as if lightning and thunder were just part of an orchestra. Jet-black hair slicked wet with rainwater stuck to her face but she didn't mind. She was soaked from head to toe but she didn't mind. No, not at all. Come to think of it, she just survived a war to the death composed of seven servants and masters willing to kill each other to have their own selfish wishes be granted. Anything beyond that is child's play, right? Wrong. She'd rather have the war again than whatever it left her.

She scoffs, and the heavens light up in a timely fashion.

"And so this is what Rin Tohsaka gets after the whole Holy Grail War?" she remarks with a rather sarcastic edge to her voice. She laughs bitterly.

She looks up at the thick mass of clouds amidst the rain and curses whoever god has put her on a situation as such. _I may have survived, but I didn't I didn't.._

Tears start to make their way down her face – first lining her eyes, filling them to the brim then rolling down her cheeks tracing them, grazing her lips, and disappearing down her neck or down into the pavement below as they get past her chin. Her eyes, a vivid and magnificent shade of a summer sky, making her glow all the more ethereal what with her slender figure and magnanimous aura, now dulled and drained of its magnificence. What once was a summer sky now has become a faint, hollow glow of a bottomless pit of oceanic turbulence.

"In just a blink of an eye, huh?" she asks no one in particular.

Then the light show begins again and a memory forces its way up to the surface. She clenches her hands into a fist, closes her eyes shut tight, and grits her teeth as she clenches her jaw in an attempt to stop the memory from taking over.

 _Lies. Lies. Everything were just lies!_

She hears herself say. No. Scratch that. She didn't just say them, she screamed them. An agonizing scream leaving a trail of brokenness. The scenes begin to replay in her mind over and over again as if put to an infinite loop.

"Stop." She starts to say. "Stop! Stop!"

Sobs finally make their way out of her. She was too late. Rin Tohsaka couldn't stop the memories from re-surfacing. A bitter smile graces her lips.

 _I messed up the most important thing again. Every single time, I always mess it up._

 ** _..._**

"So this is where we part, Shirou," Saber uttered in farewell as she stared at her master for the last time, tears pooling in her jade green eyes.

"This won't be the end," Shirou said as Saber's form slowly disappears, her essence carried by the wind. "I promise. I'll find you."

This was all she could hear Shirou say. Nothing more. The rest, the wind muffled.

Saber smiled and via lip read, Rin understood what she had just said.

"Promise me another thing. Promise me you won't forget. But don't get stuck either. Move on Shirou. I'll be happy if you're happy."

Shirou started to protest and say something else but as the sun rose with its shimmering gold streaks, so did the wind carry the rest of Saber's spirit back into the land where she came from, leaving behind a trail of gold specks as the traces of her golden locks and jade green eyes stay remnant to the eyes of Emiya and Tohsaka.

Rin watched from afar, silently observing their exchange. Archer had already said his goodbyes to her moments before, finally revealing his real identity and confirming her suspicions all along – that Archer was Emiya, Shirou Emiya. She knew she shouldn't be feeling like this but she can't help it. A tinge of joy mixed with the sadness of having to say goodbye to the two servants she has grown fond of: he's Saber and her Archer. Her Shirou.

Finally, the sun rose to its rightful position in the heavens and he was left standing there, looking straight at the spot where his beloved had stood for the final time. At this, Rin decided to appear by his side.

"So, what now, Emiya-kun?" she asked him, looking straight ahead at the horizon.

He was silent for a while and she turned to look at him. After a few moments of silence, he responded.

"Move on, I guess?" and he left her there not even bothering to look back. And he just stared at him, at the lingering sadness in his eyes when she looked at him and the subtle slump of his broad shoulders despite his erect stance as if some invisible burden was cast down upon him.

 ** _..._**

10 months, 1 week, and 2 days. This has been the time elapsed since the war ended but Shirou has been relentless in his search for his saber and Rin in her studies as well as silently wishing Shirou would chance upon her even though the margin of success was so slim. But she didn't let it slip. She's a Tohsaka, after all.

Everything was back to what it once was (or so, at the very least) – Rin and Shirou with their lives from when before the war, Shiro as the always helpful it's annoying person in Homurahara, and Rin as the school's idol. But some things remained. Rin would sometimes visit Shirou in his house and join in their rowdy bunch along with Sakura and Fuji-nee, as well as Ilya, but no one really knew how she really was. She was so good in hiding it, she even convinced herself everything was alright.

But it wasn't.

She helps Shirou with magecraft, becoming his teacher in the process thus the frequent visits. But sometimes, she just feels like it, crashing to his home unannounced and all.

"You're improving. That's a start," she playfully remarks after their training ended for the day. Shirou just flashes her an endearing smile. And she blushed, quickly turning her head away.

"W-what was that for?" she asked him, a little embarrassed at herself.

Shirou was taken aback by her reaction but knew better than to counter-tease. He'd be dead soon after. Though, he was genuinely surprised by Rin's response.

"Ohh… nothing. I was just trying not to get myself killed, you know?" he replied, a sheepish but undoubtedly scared smile on his face.

Rin seemed satisfied with his response and was not so in the mood to tease him.

"Hah! You bet." She harrumphed past him after sending him a seething glare albeit a little cherry color on her cheeks and went into the inner courtyard, Shirou following in her footsteps. Rin gazes at the night sky and the twinkling stars above. Shirou sits right by her.

"Aren't they beautiful?" she asked him, not bothering to look at his face.

She earned a soft 'hmm' in response, so soft it was almost a silent hum. For a while, they remained like that, cloaked in a comfortable and endearing silence. Till Rin decided to break it.

"So…" she started. Shirou looked her way. "What now, Emiya-kun? How's your uh, progress?"

He knew what he was talking about right away. One word: Saber. He looked down at his own hands, thinking for a while but no answer came. Rin just silently watched him, her own thoughts juggling in her mind.

 _It's been 10 months since that day. And yet, you still look for her. And I'm jealous. You know that? I wish I can be Saber. I truly wish I am her. If the grail wasn't corrupted, this would probably be my wish considering I had none when the war started._

A bitter smile played across Rin Tohsaka's lips and Shirou noticed it. He noticed her looking at him. Rin got a hold of herself too late and found that she's been found by the object of her attention.

"What is it, Tohsaka?" he asked her. "If you've got something to say, just say it."

 _I hate how you ignore me. I hate how you avoid me. And I hate how you just see past me, like I'm some sort of memory. But, most of all, I hate myself for still loving you despite all these things I hate about you._

She wanted to say to him. She wanted to scream right at his face this truth she's been hiding for too long. But she didn't. Of course, she didn't. How could she? Yes, she enjoys teasing him, she enjoys tormenting him, generally she enjoys making him suffer and play by her hands (in a nice adorable albeit sadistic and overly-playful kind of way). But seeing as he is, she couldn't bear to do so.

Instead, she said what he wanted to hear not what she wanted to say.

"Nothing. I was just going to wish you good luck on your journey. You know? Finding Saber? Remember what you told me earlier or have you forgotten?"

"Oh, that," he answered plainly. "But why the long face, though?"

 _You really are hopelessly dense._

"Oh, I'll just miss teasing you around till you grovel at my foot for forgiveness for whatever stupid thing you've done."

 _Lies. Lies. Everything are just lies! All my words are lies!_ She wanted to scream.

She faked a laugh and put on her usual teasing manner. She prayed he wouldn't notice.

And he didn't. He looked unto her with a seriously-you're-not-meaning-that-are-you look with a scared and nervous smile on his face. Then she laughed heartily at his reaction and Shirou heaved a sigh of relief.

"Anyway, I should be going. It's getting late," she said as she started to tread the hallway towards the front door.

"I'll walk you home," Shirou suggested but Rin dismissed the notion. She shook her head as she turned around to face him while lingering at the threshold of the Emiya's. "I'm alright. No need. You're flight's tomorrow, right?"

He nodded. "Are you sure, though? It's getting late and it's scary for a girl to be walking in the middle of the night alone."

She scoffed at his words. "Really? I didn't know that during the Holy Grail War though," she noted with a laugh. And they both crack at the joke. "Remind me of that sometime again soon. When you come back."

 _If you come back._ She wanted to add.

"Anyway, good luck on your travels, Emiya-kun. Send me postcards and occasional presents or else I'll see to it your demise!" she called out to him her final threat as she made her way to the gates. Shirou just smiled and closed the doors after.

"Stupid Shirou," she muttered under her breath as she was well past the Emiya household.

* * *

 _I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. Most of all, I wanted to make you stay._

 _But I didn't._

 _I just stood there and watched you go._

 _Just like that. What could I possibly do?_

And her mind replayed the final scene of the war's end when it was just the two of them left on the battlefield.

"Goodbye… Shirou Emiya."

And the downpour started – rain poured relentlessy, thunder and lightning playing accompaniment to the symphony of the storm. And Rin Tohsaka just kept on walking.


End file.
